she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
