I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
my being single is dangerous.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
