Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
