is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
