things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Randomize
