One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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