It's just like the Real World with babies
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
