I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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