so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
