there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
