you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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