oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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