Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
