Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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