Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
