why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
