paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
