It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
