I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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