Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
