I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Randomize
