Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
