Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
