You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
