spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
