Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
