We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
