So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
