Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
