Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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