Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
