Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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