I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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