He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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