How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
that's an acceptable place to lick
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
