The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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