Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
