I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
