THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
