True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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