You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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