I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
