I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
