even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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