I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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