i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
