We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
