I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
