she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
