no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
