that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
