I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize