allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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