This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Swine flu is the new snow day.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
