Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
