I want you more than these girls want KFC
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
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I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
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I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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