the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
