***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I checked into jail on foursquare
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
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He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat