Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels

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  (703): i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels http://tfl.nu/aed7
  Replies (3) Good night (787) Bad night (1467)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK

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  (508): Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK http://tfl.nu/0izu
  Replies (9) Good night (2125) Bad night (641)
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  (209): View more from California

  this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.

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  (209): this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not. http://tfl.nu/74g7
  Replies (27) Good night (9717) Bad night (899)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"

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  (574): no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house" http://tfl.nu/wkle
  Replies (13) Good night (1502) Bad night (8867)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.

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  (306): Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight. http://tfl.nu/dfco
  Replies (33) Good night (1898) Bad night (4980)
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  (408): View more from California

  How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?

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  (408): How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...? http://tfl.nu/cucy
  Replies (15) Good night (6769) Bad night (1011)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.

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  (202): That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence. http://tfl.nu/ugku
  Replies (6) Good night (2321) Bad night (1253)
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  (626): View more from California

  I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...

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  (626): I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned... http://tfl.nu/wvxc
  Replies (7) Good night (1795) Bad night (766)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.

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  (+44): So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me. http://tfl.nu/ocor
  Replies (1) Good night (622) Bad night (842)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.

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  (307): The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday. http://tfl.nu/9x49
  Replies (12) Good night (1102) Bad night (504)
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  (714): View more from California

  I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night 

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  (714): I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night  http://tfl.nu/0owm
  Replies (1) Good night (577) Bad night (728)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.

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  (501): I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool. http://tfl.nu/8mq5
  Replies (6) Good night (343) Bad night (604)
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  (+81): View more from

  And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.

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  (+81): And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other. http://tfl.nu/jk8n
  Replies (1) Good night (622) Bad night (369)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!

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  (508): I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win! http://tfl.nu/3ow7
  Replies (6) Good night (597) Bad night (412)
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  (916): View more from California

  Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about

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  (916): Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about http://tfl.nu/nymk
  Replies (1) Good night (163) Bad night (188)

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