And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
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Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
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Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.