8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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