I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
