you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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