I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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