it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
