My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
