cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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