i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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