you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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