im gay
i know
yea but for you.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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