the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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