Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
