i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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