I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Randomize
