i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
And then he peed in my hair
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
