I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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