He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
